At The Witch Doctors Lair
I still strive for transparency so I guess this video might as well go here so if anyone has a question well... I had cultivated a massive fist sized malignant tumor in my sinuses so rare that it can't be treated any known way so they had to remove it. They removed an entire bone from my leg in the 12 hour surgery along with muscle, skin, and fat to rebuild my head. We've had plenty of good jokes waiting for the fourth and final surgery a couple years later. That's all I can say now except thanks to my wonderful friends who've stayed by my side or not throughout this, the most difficult time of my life. After so much pain and suffering I've come to an awareness greater than anything I previously understood that allows me to be in total happiness the likes of which I cannot describe. It seems I am more resolutely atheist than ever before yet more spiritual than I had ever been. I want to do the performance which I have recently done at Proper Eats again. I could maybe do it anywhere so where? Legong? Backspace? Goodnight. CAL
This video was originally intended for inclusion with this post but for some odd coding reason didn't get in till today if you can't see it try refresh. 10/something/11.
Post
I will be having my final surgery soon and the cancer saga will be on the shelf for a while. Frozen with fear when I ponder the implications so I try not to dilly-dally much just press forward and avoid looking into the ugliness of my reality. It's actually quite difficult when this intense pain is swinging me around the room "...so lucky to be alive...." honestly most of the time I have to work pretty hard to keep optimistic. The pain tells me I'm dying and the reflective glass tells me I'll never make it "Shut the hell up, you weren't invited" that was me just now. Ha ha-ha am I crazy or just neurotic?
I can't hold the business back much longer, this baby really wants to go places. If I let it go any bigger though it will run aground and burst in flames and that doesn't seem "green" at all. What if I roped-in a few more accounts then "Micah yoo-hoo ready to cut you up!" wouldn't be good at all. I'm already late enough with individual orders here and there. I can't stand shipping orders out late no matter the inevitability factor I know people understand but I have standards too.
My life has been very rough and tumble at times, some of the near-misses were rather tragic though simultaneously left me elated. For close to twenty years I figured if I could die while having fun that would be perfect, who wants to live very long really?! So I went for it with zeal totalling 13 cars, ran through flaming buildings, got sexy with perfect strangers- frequently. I am entirely surprised I've lived this long and until the cancer not a scratch; no diseases or broken bones, well my nose a couple times actually right where the cancer showed up. Heck my entire head was engulfed in flames that one time- now that was a fun night! No bullets struck flesh and that was pretty lucky too. Considering all the hurt I brought to the people I loved I'm lucky my pay-back or karma (kamma) comes in such small manageable doses. The fist-sized tumor in my head has been by far my suckiest time ever but when I consider all the people, relationships lost over the years it renders this episode meager. One thing I've learned from all this is that relationships are all we have and nothing else rivals in importance these mysterious treasures and everyone I see matters deeply.
My goal is to open a little workshop for a couple few employees between M3house and HVB. Just north of the bridge is a terrific little building I've been looking at and damn this little company really wants to take off something fierce! I need another press and that's about it. We've been holding on to the other bits and pieces and it would be great to be able to walk on down with ease just a few blocks from work and home. I want to give to the AR community so bad it'd be rad to hire and donate and oh my god the wicked parties! Man I need some sleep. Later.
F Y I infodatas
Held Vegan Belts
3033 NE Alberta Street
Alberta Arts District
Portland, OR 97211
(503) 288-8866
http://www.yelp.com/biz/held-vegan-belts-portland-2
Leaving reviews on sites like the above Yelp and the Googles are very helpful. Leave a tag to the website http://m3house.org if you interested in showing support another way. We still have one intern position to fill come to the store ready to work and have some belt fun.
I have been experimenting with streaming live video from the shop cause its almost non-stop adventure and fun, peril and certainly shenanigans aplenty. Always on the lookout for un-upcycled "waste" like bits from the rainbarrelman's barrels that are now lovely new belt buckles.
Tuesday is the official HELD Vegan Music Day. Come in and jam out with the drums, guitar, bass, mic, drum machine, sequencer, foot stomping, handclapping, electro-jizzelle-flapper good time happy-making. Last Tuesday Rusty brought a whole recording studio and it was so much fun; I didn't make it to the emergency room but it was way more fun.
On the oncology front I am sick and fucking tired of having only half a face. My mind is rapidly deteriorating and recovery seems to be taking more energy than I have; I thought I could ride my bike to work but it wears me out. I'm really enjoying creating the new designs everyday and my friends pop into the scene and before I know it I'm not thinking about cancer at all! Come check out the rad new stuff I just started using the coolest new brass snaps and stuff.
Cancer in My Head etc.
An endless list of reasons not to write this is trying to stare me down. Need more sleep, too much pain, emotional imbalance, and it goes and goes but oh well. About an hour ago I realized that I lived through it. No really it hit me hard looking into my sweet heroic wife's eyes crying happily that I could have died as easily as I lived.
Maybe a month ago my biopsy for my congested sinuses came back with all kinds of amazing results. Malignant. I only want to give an update here in case someone heard something like the rumors I've heard, I can't write or talk or walk yet but I have to do some thing. It all happened so fast but in slow motion very much monochromatic with bursts of muted color. Red. So much red. Melinda is so strong and loving and we have each other and nothing else is that big. She carried me all the way up the hill and out of danger. I want to spy on her movement till time is no longer time, her face is the focal point of surrounding good things. Good finds a place to rest in her beautiful face. She saved me from the sea of red now only in my routine nightmares.
I have been home from hospital now two weeks. Two weeks in hospital. ICU HELL. The food they kept putting in my tube was vegan only in that it had no animal milks or parts but it was not vegan the way I'm vegan. Ingredient one: water. Oh well water is good for sure but in "food" i would prefer water to be "juices" that come from FOOD. Lets see... ingredient two: Corn Syrup, yeah that shit I avoid in my real life! At home I don't need insulin cause I eat very well- vegans really have it good if they are doing it right which is most of us. Every six hours they poke holes in my fingers then come back with a shot of insulin and that pissed me off more than anything in the world. It could easily be avoided if they actually had FOOD the shit in the can they put in my tummy tube has a big Nestle logo. Enough of the rant here is what the operations entailed roughly.
I was out while for twelve hours lots of people I love and who love me waited while two teams worked on me. One team cutting down the length of my lower leg to remove my tibia save a couple inches on each end. Attached to the bone are a sizable muscle and 4x6 inch bit of skin. While this is happening the other team separated my facial skin from my cheeks and upper jaw so they could cut out and remove my cheekbones, upper jaw, and sinus area with the fist sized cancer. I really am not ready for this level of detail. for more or less info veganPDX on fb.


